


The Letter

by kittybellestark



Category: Iron Man (Movies), Marvel Cinematic Universe, Spider-Man (Tom Holland Movies), The Avengers (Marvel Movies)
Genre: Awesome May Parker (Spider-Man), Help, Hurt Peter Parker, Kidnapped Peter Parker, Peter Parker Deserves Better, Peter Parker Needs a Hug, Peter Parker Whump, Peter is giving coded messages, Protective May Parker (Spider-Man), These Letters Can be Read as Sucide notes but they arent, Tony Stark Acting as Peter Parker's Parental Figure, Tony Stark Has A Heart, Tony Stark Needs a Hug, Torture, Tortured Peter Parker, mentions of torture, will update tags as i post more
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2021-02-24
Updated: 2021-02-25
Packaged: 2021-03-15 09:20:17
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 3
Words: 2,145
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29681766
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/kittybellestark/pseuds/kittybellestark
Summary: There’s no way for Peter to tell Tony what’s happening. And no way Tony can find Peter. Peter finds a way to get a message out, a letter, approved to go to Tony a week after. He can only hope Tony can understand what Peter is trying to tell him.
Relationships: May Parker (Spider-Man) & Peter Parker, Peter Parker & Tony Stark
Comments: 14
Kudos: 34





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> this is a thing I just kinda started it'll go where ever i want i guess. probs not regular updates but yknow I do my best  
> follow me on tumblr: @kittybellestark

**H** i Mr. Stark,

 **Y** ou probably already heard. I’m sure you have it’s been a week. I’m sorry if I hurt you, but I couldn’t do it anymore. No one likes Peter Parker. I don’t even like myself, so it’s impossible for someone else to like me. Things have been exhausting, you know? I feel like I’m being beaten down too much, like I’m drowning. 

**D** on’t worry. I’ll be happier. I think I will be anyways. I don’t really know what I have waiting for me on the other side. Everyone assumes that it’ll be good there, but I’m not so sure. I hope there will be mountains, and the northern lights. Maybe even something like the Nordic countries. I think that would be nice. I wish I could have visited there on my own terms, but instead things have come to this. I’m worried it’ll just be more pain. This isn’t the life I want anymore. It’s all grey and it’s like I never knew what the sun is like. I swear this whole time I’ve been help up by strings, but held down by chains. I feel like it’s all my own fault. This is something I did to myself, you know? Maybe if I didn’t hold myself back or put myself down. Or maybe if I didn’t do all the things I’ve done. The only one responsible for this is me. My parents, are because of me. It’s all because of me, Mr. Stark. The only person to be blamed here is me. I don’t know if I’ll ever get past this. Everything big in my life has lead to this.

**R** eally though, don’t worry about me. I’m sure things will be fine in the end. Don’t blame yourself for this. It’s not on you. I just can’t handle it anymore. Maybe we’ll see each other again, on the other side- if there is another side. I suppose we’ll find out when we get there. Parker luck would probably stop that from ever happening though. 

**A** lthough this hurts me to write, Mr. Stark. You needed to know, this was the only option. I can’t do anything about it anymore. I am a lost cause. No one should be held back by me anymore. I’ll only bring more pain to everyone involved. I do not want to be responsible for anyone dying. Tell May I’m sorry and that I’ll be okay. I wish I could see her one more time.  


Please help keep my memory alive,  
Peter Parker


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Another letter from Peter to Tony.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This will eventually turn into a story we jus need some set up first which is what these letters are doing lol  
> anyways follow me on tumblr: @kittybellestark

**H** i Mr. Stark,

 **E** very day has been better since I’ve seen the other side. I can’t believe I got to go there, it was beautiful. I swear to you, it’s everything I’ve ever wanted it to be. It wasn’t light, like I thought it would be, but I wasn’t sent into the dark. There was no screaming, no chains or whips. It was like a breath of fresh air- the freshest air I’ve ever experienced anyways. I’ve always imagined that the other side would sound like crashing ways and that there would be trees as tall as New York buildings. The other side was welcoming, I wish I could have stayed there longer.

 **L** ately, that’s all I can think about. Getting back to the other side, that is. I’m so tired of feeling like my energy is being drained. I’m tired of that numb feeling, I’m sure you know the one. You know when you accidentally touch a live wire and for a moment, a beautiful moment you feel it in your chest and then there’s the nothingness? Just the hum of your muscles trying to be okay? That’s one of the only things I feel these days. I’ll be alright though, I’ll always be welcomed to the other side. Today though, I’ll just need to power through what is happening to me, from my mind. The only one to blame for this is me. It’s okay, I know I could have been better, listened harder, pushed more. I’ll keep trying. I just need my head to stop pounding, it feels like I’ve slammed it against a cement wall. One day I’ll get to the other side, I know I will. I just need to fight myself first.

 **P** erhaps fighting myself is the only way. My mind must be playing tricks on me even now. Some day’s I feel like I could even hear Ben talking just down the hall. I must be going insane. It’s the guilt, of course. The guilt of my parents dying, the guilt of killing Ben. I wish I could hug my mother, but that has to be all in my head. It could never happen, me and my parents, I should stop holding out on this fantasy, I am the reason why they are dead. Why do I keep putting myself through everything again?

 **M** aybe when I see you again, some day far from now we can have iced tea. That’s a refreshing drink, isn’t it? I’ve always enjoyed it, but I know you prefer your ice crushed when it’s in your drinks. I think you’re wrong Mr. Stark. Big iced cubes all the way. I like to pretend the Ice is islands in the sea. The little bubbles, the air trapped from the cubes would be whales surfacing for air, wondering what else there is other than the sea. We can have iced tea, Mr. Stark, someday on the other side.

 **E** ven still, I don’t know how soon that will be. There is so much I have to do. Everything I’ve done has only hurt everyone more. Mr. Stark, I don’t think I’ve been very good. Not to myself, and not to others. Why should I see the other side again? Why do I keep imagining everything that’s good. I’ve only known pain, it’s the only thing I know how to cause. I torment myself in my head. I hear the voices of too many dead. This will be my undoing. I can only hope I’ll see you and May again. I hope this isn’t too late. I’ll often scream into the night, it the only way for me to silence what’s happening inside. But don’t worry Mr. Stark. I’ll be okay. This was all because of me, wasn’t it? I can get by just fine, this isn’t your fault. One day I’ll need your help again, I’ll need you to hold my hand after things are fuzzy again when I can barely breath. I’ll be okay, I just need to get to the other side.

Please keep my memories alive,  
Peter Parker.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> tumblr: @kittybellestark  
> if you guys find any hints to what's happening don't be afraid to put it in the comments, I've love to see what you guys think is happening !


	3. Chapter 3

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Another letter to Tony  
> Peter is going to talk about the short story called Ponies by Kij Johnson.  
> That short story is about a unicorn being turned into a horse. It's traumatizing. This is your warning.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> follow me on tumblr: @kittybellestark

**F** reedom, Mr. Stark,

 **R** eally, does anyone actually, truly have freedom? I don’t think so. I used to think we had freedoms, that we had rights, but each day feels further from the truth. Sorry, I realized I haven’t said hello yet. So; Hi, Mr. Stark. I hope you are doing well. I hope you have the freedom to breathe, and laugh and sing. We’re regularly given horrible choices, one’s we should never face, and we can only hope to make it out to the other side.

 **O** bviously, we do this for survival. Which brings me back to the freedom thing. If every choice we make is rooted in whether or not we survive is that real freedom? Or are we trapped by our own minds- coming up with twisted rules that we must adhere to. And not only that, but our bodies. They’re so stupid. Why are we so fragile? Should our bones not be made stronger so they cannot break? Wouldn’t it make sense if our brain was built in such a way that it couldn’t play silly tricks on us? The limit of the body should not exist, we become weaker after reproductive age, our knees start to ache and our joints start to seize. We’re trapped, all of us- everyone; there is no escape. The other side cannot exist if we can never reach it, if our limitations fall short of the goal. Like God: I cannot see them, therefore it doesn’t exist. That’s how I feel.

 **Y** ou know, I read this story once. It was for school. Traumatized me as a 13 year old. Honestly, it would probably still traumatize me now. But I’ve been thinking about it. Anyways, Mr. Stark, it was about this girl and her unicorn (was it a unicorn? I’m not so sure, I’m no expert, it had wings, that feels more like a Pegasus, I really can’t remember much of this story). The girl had wanted to fit in, she wanted to join this club- maybe it was a cult, it certainly felt like a cult. There was a group of popular girls, and they had their unicorns and if you wanted to hang out with them, you had to take away two things from your unicorn. I’m no writer, Mr. Stark, so I feel like I’m butchering this, and remembering it wrong, but it feels burned into my head. Now these unicorns, they had their horn, their wings and they could talk. It’s what made them special. So this girl, had to choose what she wanted her unicorn to keep if she wanted to be included in this cult. I don’t remember what she chose, but I know that in the end her unicorn had been stripped of everything that made it special. It could no longer talk or fly or stab anyone with it’s horn. The unicorn became a horse. It was no longer special.

 **A** unicorn was turned into a horse. It must have been horrible to face that type of choice. It died, in the end by the way. Murdered. Cotton candy blood everywhere, because the girl didn’t want to cut out her unicorns voice. Had she and her unicorn not gone, there wouldn’t be any death. The unicorn would be special. I can’t stop thinking about it. What if you had to give something up Mr. Stark. If it was in between your intelligence, your strength and your tongue, what would you keep? I think I would keep my tongue, if I was put in that position. That’s silly isn’t it, that this is my equivalent to the unicorn? While my overall fate will be the same-death, at least I’d never lose my ability to talk or eat. But the idea of giving up my intelligence and strength, it feels like there would be nothing special about me left. I would just be a horse. It’s an impossible choice, yet this story is what I keep coming back to. I don’t need my ability to think or remember. Honestly, to forget my past, what I’ve done, it wouldn’t be the worst. Maybe then I would feel peace. My parents wouldn’t haunt me anymore. But I would forget you and May. It would be selfish of me to not chose my intelligence. But that’s what learning is for. And strength really, there’s no telling what type of strength that one would be. Mental, physical, who knows. I suppose I’m reading too much into this story.

.

 **N** ot like it matters anyway. I don’t know why I’m even thinking about this story, honestly. I don’t have a horse, or a unicorn. Either would be cool. I know, I know, unicorns don’t actually exist, but a horse could be cool too. They can run fast. I actually don’t know much about horses. I do know they can get drunk on rotten apples, and they can jump over things. It’s a horse, I don’t know. Some of them are free aren’t they. Wild mustangs? I think I saw the beginning of a movie where someone was trying to catch one to ride. They already had horses, on a ranch or a farm, genuinely I don’t know the difference. But that’s greedy isn’t it? To take a free animal, and make it your own, to domesticate it and beat it into submission. They’re free, why take it as your own when you already have so many? Because you are threatened by it’s freedom. That’s it.

**O** bviously I need to stop talking about horses and unicorns and freedom. I don’t know what’s wrong with me or why my brain just keeps taking it back there. I’ll never really understand these things I suppose. I don’t have pets to train or anything. I’m just being irrational. I am okay. I just want to get to the other side. But I’ll be fine Mr. Stark. I just need my brain to cooperate with my head. That didn’t make any sense, but I’m sure you understand. A nap should help me work through the things I’ve done. Naps are nice, it feels like I haven’t slept in a week. 

Please keep my memories, Peter Parker.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> comment below any theories you have about what's happening to Peter !!  
> tumblr: @kittybellestark

**Author's Note:**

> tumblr: @kittybellestark  
> if you guys have any theories about what is happening comment them below !! I'd love to see what you guys come up with


End file.
